Katie Ricketts
I have started this 100 times, because there are 100 different reasons why I chose Jesus everyday. Different things have happened to me over my 22 years, and they have all led me back to Jesus.
High school was a little rocky, but looking back I would give anything to have one more day there. Fall 2016. College is when life got the hardest. My friends moved away, either geographically or emotionally, and that hit me hard. I felt alone. Then two weeks into college my family and I found out my dad had stage 4 brain cancer. I was standing at the bottom of my stairs when my grandfather told my brother and I that the tumor was cancer. I remember a rush of peace flying over me. I remember the drive to the hospital after his first surgery. I was with my cousin and brother on the way there. I wasn’t stressed. I was having a fun time in the back seat, just talking to them and laughing. When we got to the hospital I thought it was weird that the rest of my family there wasn’t having as much of a fun time as I was. The surgery went well. I went back and talked to dad, he joked around with me, and then we went home. Dad came home a few days later. It was all good. Then, the cancer came back. Dad had another surgery. He was sent home three days later after having brain surgery because he did so well. While I felt like I had no one to talk to about all of this, I was still so happy. I had joy, and peace. I almost felt bad some days because I wasn’t moping like other people in my family. In January 2018 we found out my mom had cancer. She had stage 3 breast cancer. So, then I had two parents with cancer. My dad ended up getting in a wreck, which was the beginning of the end. He really just went down from there. He died in March 2018. I stood in our St. Louis Cardinals room and sobbed as I watched him take his last breath. “I Am Not Alone” by Kari Jobe started playing on the radio right then. I was in a production of Grease at my church, and the day he died was our first practice. I still went. I didn’t want to talk about it. I wanted everything to stay as normal as possible. I had such a fun time. I felt like I had friends. That whole week I had so many people surrounding me in love that I didn’t even know I had. I had all these friends come out of nowhere, and I am still so thankful for them. This past year, July 2020, my mom passed away. I was in my bed when my brother came upstairs to tell me. I sobbed. My best friend came over right then and stayed the night. She watched TikToks with me till we fell asleep.
All of this background to get to answer the question of “why Jesus?” Through all of this, watching both of my parents go through cancer, feeling like I had no tangible person to talk to, and then watching them both die, Jesus was there. He was there holding my hand. He was holding me when I cried myself to sleep. He was there when I told everyone around me that I was doing good, and He knew I wasn’t. He knew I was hurt, and sad, and falling apart. But through that He didn’t give up. He held me till I was okay. He put friends in my life right when I needed them. He gave me the things that I didn’t even know I needed. He gave me peace when my parents went to be with Him. While my parents' work on earth is done, mine isn’t. The Lord is using me in ways I never thought I could be. He has given me a perspective on life I never thought I would have, and I get to use it to bring glory to Him. I get to connect with people in a way I couldn’t have before. So many people have told me that “it’s okay to be mad at God right now.” but honestly, that hasn’t even crossed my mind. The first person that said that to me caught me off guard. I didn't know why I would be mad at God. Job wasn’t, and he lost everything. He kept praising. Even when Lazarus died and Jesus cried, He wasn’t mad. In Ecclesiastes it says “A time to weep, and a time to laugh. A time to mourn and a time to dance.”(3:4) This is my favorite verse. Because I know that not only is there a time for those things, but Jesus is there with you doing it. He weeps with me. He mourns with me. But He is also there laughing and dancing with me! How awesome is that!!
So, I chose Jesus. I chose Him, not because He chose me the one day when He was on the Cross. I chose Him because He chooses to walk, hold, and love me every single day.
